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The Weekender #1

Date:  Sat, 4th-Dec-2004prevnext

Tags: Books, Humour, Miscellaneous, Movies, Open Source, Urban Mainframe

Palace of Fine Arts, San Francisco, US

Some time ago (8th October, 2004) I published a document entitled "The Friday Post". It was supposed to be the first of a regular "feature". At the time, my intention was to publish, each Friday, a single post of commentary on things that had touched my life that week but which, taken individually, didn't warrant a dedicated entry.

Unfortunately, that single "Friday Post" was the only one I produced. So I'm going to start again, only this time it's called "The Weekender"...

Renaming the feature gives me a little bit more flexibility. I can't always publish new content on a given Friday, but I can generally get some blogging time in at some point during the weekend. So, hopefully, "The Weekender" will now become a (fairly) regular series.

1,000 "Fresh Meat" Links, and Counting

A "blogmark" is the name bloggers use to describe a link that is posted along with a short commentary. Think of blogmarks as Bookmarks (or Favourites) on steroids, published on the Web for all to see (and hopefully enjoy).

Like Simon Willison before me, I recently published my 1,000th blogmark on the Urban Mainframe. The landmark entry was a link to a "Gallery of CSS Descramblers" and was added on 2nd December, 2004.

I'm going to continue to post into the "Fresh Meat" database, despite the growing prevalence of centralised services like del.icio.us, which I also use (del.icio.us/urbanmainframe).

I recommend you take a stroll through "Frozen Meat", the link archives: there's some real gems tucked away in there.

The Apple Orchard

The big, green envy monster doesn't show up in my life very often. But it appeared on 29th November, 2004 and it hit me with hammer punch to the stomach. For 'twas on that day that I learned that Dunstan Orchard had secured a position at Apple Computer, Inc.

Dunstan, despite wanting to murder you right now, I'd like to offer my congratulations and best wishes. Good luck in your job... you lucky sod!

Good News / Bad News

This week's good news: Bush Arrested in Canada for War Crimes (via Noscope).

This week's bad news: Picked up a speeding ticket. 44mph in a 30 zone. Damn, that's 3 points on my license (if I collect 12, then I win a disqualification) and a £60 fine (when I need money for Christmas shopping). Thank you very much, Merry Christmas.

On the Radar

Rails is looking more and more tempting every day. Looks like I'm going to have to learn Ruby, a New Year's Resolution perhaps?

Now that I've discovered the Apache::Test Framework, I'm seriously considering building a comprehensive test suite for my CMS. God knows I need one.

I've also spent some time investigating XMLHttpRequest recently. This looks like it's going to be very hot!

Geek Literature

I've managed to get review copies of the "iPod Fan Book" and "Mac OS X Power Hound (Panther Edition)" from O'Reilly. Expect reviews soon.

The Incredible Incredibles

Took my children and a nephew to see The Incredibles. Is this the best Pixar film ever? I certainly think so. The Incredibles is a blast (and not just for the children). It's a thoroughly enjoyable superhero romp with subtleties that only the adult audience will pick up. I think I laughed more than the kids.

Street Fighter

I am currently enjoying a faithful reproduction of that old favourite, Street Fighter - made with Flash (via random($foo))

Email Humour of the Week

I'll wrap up with the funniest email I've received this week:

The Genius of Peter Kay:

1) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
2) When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
3) My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
4) I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
5) I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.
6) I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
7) Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me", and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
8) My Dad used to say "always fight fire with fire", which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said, "Are you going to help?" I said, "No, Six should be enough."
11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
12) I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
13) You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

Peter Kay's Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


The photograph of San Francisco's Palace of Fine Arts Theatre was sourced via morgueFile.

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