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Corporate Terminology

Date:  Mon, 31st-Jan-2005prevnext

Tags: Humour

  • Testiculating: Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
  • Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
  • Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, then leaves.
  • Assmosis: The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
  • Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
  • Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
  • Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and heads pop up from behind the cube walls to see what's going on. This also occurs when there is applause for a promotion, because there might be cake.
  • Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
  • SITCOM: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
  • Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
  • Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
  • Adminisphere: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.
  • 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," as in, "the brain could not be found."
  • Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a big mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all'). A moment of exquisite pain.

Feel free to expand this dictionary in the comments.

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